I Hate Boys

     Okay, not really.. but they're so aggravating! I don't have a boyfriend right now.. But I am, I guess you could say I'm "involved" with two different guys. One guy is R, who I mentioned in this post, and he is actually my ex-boyfriend. The other guy, whom I've nicknamed Romeo, as mentioned in this post, I met because my best friend was trying to get with him. Isn't this already wonderful.
     Romeo. I've nicknamed him that because the two of use have a running joke that we're modern day Romeo and Juliet and we're madly in love and going to kill ourselves together. 100% a joke. He's cute and he's funny and he's sweet and a sucker for romance and horror movies and he likes to read. But he's a bum and not going anywhere in life. And that's kind of a let down. I really like him though. We're both cynical fucks and we drink a lot and love serial killers. And you know what, I'd totally make him my boyfriend.. if it weren't for R.
     R. What can I say. I'm head over heels madly in love with this guy. And I couldn't even tell you why. We dated for 3 months. He broke up with me when school ended. I was devastated, but we started talking again a week after. He is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, both inside and out. Last time I saw him he said "we aren't gunna label things." Well, what does that mean? Can we see other people? Are we monogamous? What's going on? People label things for a reason.
     I'm seeing both of them this weekend. Romeo on Friday and R on Saturday. I haven't seen Romeo since last night. I haven't seen R in 3 weeks. I'm going to be scrambling around and sleep deprived yet again this week. Ugh. What am I even doing with my life.

I AM BACK

     I'm back guys. A lot of shit has happened since I last posted. My last post I wrote some pretty depressing things. And I apologize for disappearing after that. In December my life fell apart. One of my close friends died in a car accident on December 2nd, and it was awful. She was my roommate's girlfriend and also my best friend's sister. The same day I was in the hospital getting fluids for being dehydrated from not eating and drinking. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me and we got into a huge fight. I got one of my friends kicked out of school by accident.
     During this time, I relapsed on cutting. It had been over a year since I had cut myself. I also got down to the lowest weight I have ever been. I started drinking excessively. I was hospitalized again in January. At this time I met a guy, R. I'll tell you more about him later. But anyways, I decided I needed to start eating and get the fuck out of the hospital. I was miserable for months.
     But, good news! I haven't cut since January 6th, 2014. I'm feeling less depressed. I'm actually quite happy. I haven't gained weight since I've been home from school. And I'm back here! I missed the community here a lot. I hope all of you are doing well!

Sorry For Being MIA

I realize that I haven't posted in a while. Things have been shitty and weird and everything is a mess.

One of my friends admitted to being obsessively in love with me. I broke up with my boyfriend for a while. That same friends was also extremely depressed and suicidal. He was forced to leave school. My boyfriend and I are back together now. School's been stressful.

I've been eating like shit lately, but I haven't gained too much weight. I've been really depressed. I keep blaming myself for my friend's mental health problems, even though I know it's not my fault.

I'm trying to get shit back together. Get my grades back to where they were. Get my body back to where it was. Things were actually good for a while.

I'll probably post some progress pictures next week sometime.

Camping is the New Hell

     So, I made this post about how I was going camping this past weekend. And I wasn't looking forward to it. And guess what, it was as bad, if not worse, than I expected. I realized a few things this weekend. I never want a dog. I'm claustrophobic. And I hate my boyfriend's step-dad.
     This guy is a homophobic misogynistic prick. The first thing that bothered me was that he kept making fun of me for being a vegetarian. Saying I didn't get enough protein and it was making my brain fail. I was mad. Then, a lesbian couple and their kids moved into the campsite next to us. All he did was call them "stupid fat dykes" and say "why do they allow people like that to have kids?" I was pissed. Then I wanted to roast marshmallows over the fire. "Okay go buy some sticks." I was like "We can just break a stick off of a tree." His reply? " That's fucking disgusting! There's bugs on those!" Dude, we're fucking camping. So we bought wooden sticks that were made in a factory in China. Then the lesbian couple was cooking food in tin foil over the fire. "That's so nasty. Why would you do that!?" Uhm, did you forget, WE'RE CAMPING. Made fun of me for eating a lot. Told me I couldn't do anything right because I was a woman. Kept asking me if I was high. Said my family was messed up. Complained about not being able to get the cable tv to work (yes while camping). Then when I fixed it, told me it couldn't have been me who fixed it because I'm a woman. All they had planned for us to do was sit around watching tv.
     I almost stabbed someone.
     I'm never going fucking camping with them again. And I gained weight probably. Because I was so pissed so all I did was eat. I should've stayed home. It was so bad.

Camping

     So, this weekend I'm going camping. Ew. Last time I went camping was in a tent. And it rained. And I got soaked. This time however, I'm going in an RV. With 4 other people. And 2 dogs. You can probably tell that I'm not very excited. This is why.
Cons of Camping:

• No privacy!
• Have to eat what food is there.
• Can't exercise when I want.
• Hard to hide my habits.
• High caloric foods like s'mores

     I'm trying to stay positive though, because I am going with my boyfriend and I want him to be happy. So these are some of the positive aspects:
Pros of Camping:

• Hiking is good exercise.
• Limited food means I can't binge.
• Easier to make excuses because it's not my own family.
• I can pack my own low-cal food.
• I get to spend the weekend with my lovely boyfriend.
• There's a pool at the campsite and swimming burns calories.

     I really want this weekend to be a good one. I want to enjoy my last couple weekends of the summer. I'm leaving tonight and coming back Sunday night. I'll be sure to let you all know how it went!