Motivation of the Week

     So, I have new motivation to stick to my plan this week. I'm going on a date Friday. I am so completely nervous and I don't wanna go, but I am. The guy is someone I met at a party on Sunday. My friend thought he was really hot and wanted to get with him. The two of us went home with him. He didn't make a move on her, but instead flirted with me. My friend was pissed. The three of us pulled an all-nighter. He texted me last night and asked me out to dinner. I feel awkward going, even though my friend said she doesn't mind. I just hate dinner dates. They're so awkward. Ugh.
     The only thing coming out of this is the fact that it makes me want to stick to my meal plan and exercise plan. I want to look amazing for this date!

Sorry For Being MIA

I realize that I haven't posted in a while. Things have been shitty and weird and everything is a mess.

One of my friends admitted to being obsessively in love with me. I broke up with my boyfriend for a while. That same friends was also extremely depressed and suicidal. He was forced to leave school. My boyfriend and I are back together now. School's been stressful.

I've been eating like shit lately, but I haven't gained too much weight. I've been really depressed. I keep blaming myself for my friend's mental health problems, even though I know it's not my fault.

I'm trying to get shit back together. Get my grades back to where they were. Get my body back to where it was. Things were actually good for a while.

I'll probably post some progress pictures next week sometime.

Depression Talk

     So I was talking with one of my friends the other day, and he doesn't know about any of my problems. We ended up talking about depression and mental illnesses.
     He kept telling me that mental illnesses aren't real. That you can be sad about something and then just snap out of it because life is good and happy. He said people are depressed for attention.

1. You can't just snap out of depression. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain.
2. Life isn't always good and happy for people.
3. If depressed people just wanted attention, then why doesn't he know I'm depressed? Wouldn't I just be blabbing about it to everyone?

     Just a little rant. It makes me angry that people with mental disorders aren't treated equally. Like I would get some much shit if all my friends knew about my problems..

Goodbye Dinner

     So one of my friends is starting college soon and she's moving in Sunday. I'm going away this weekend, so I won't be around to say good-bye. She wanted to go out to dinner tonight so that I could see her before she left. We decided to get sushi. I was okay with this because I love sushi and I can justify the calories. I planned what I was going to eat and I added the calories up and I was happy.
     Then she called me right before I got home. "I can't afford sushi. We're going to Red Robin instead." What. The. Fuck. Now, Red Robin is delicious. But oh so fatty and gross and filling. I didn't have any time to calculate and figure out what to eat. I ended up getting a veggie burger with cheese, which is what I usually get. Oh my god. I still feel sick. All that fat. I want to throw up.
     I hate when my friends pick the restaurant. I can't tell them how much it bothers me, because I don't want them to know. And I couldn't ask her to pick a different place, because it was her dinner. I did run 2 miles today though, and I walked 14,000 steps at work. I still feel disgusting.

Weekend Adventures

      I haven't posted in a few days because I've been really busy this weekend mixed with also being pretty depressed lately. So here's is just a little update.
     Friday: Friday I went shopping and got some new clothes for school. I was feel pretty awesome. Then when I got home my brother and I got into a fight and I decided to eat a ton of junk food and then go to sleep instead of dealing with it.
     Saturday: Saturday I went to the beach and on my Uncle's boat. I was feeling good and having some drinks and then we ordered pizza. I didn't feel bad about it because I was a little tipsy. Then I got really bloated after eating and my uncle called me fat. After the beach, I told my friend I was going to take a shower and then we could hang out later. Come 10 PM, no one had texted me to hangout so I was going to go to bed. I went on twitter to see all my friends tweeting about hanging out together and they hadn't invited me. Cue eating an entire bag of cheesy popcorn.
     Sunday: Sunday I went into the city to visit one of my friends who is graduating soon. I went with my college roommate, and of course her family owns a bakery in the North End. We ate some sweets but then walked around a lot. Then I had a spinach and cheese calzone. Not diet drinks. Then we went to our school and our friend made pasta with sauce and buttery bread. And my roommate brought cannolis for dessert.
     I have to weigh in on Wednesday and I'm scared to fuck. I need to stop using food to cope with my depression. It's so bad. :/

Wifi-less and a Lunch Date

     My mom decided that today was going to be a wifi-less day, so I'm posting this from my phone. She thinks we spend too much time on the Internet. And this is so true. 

     I weighed myself today, now that my period is almost over. 118.2! I'm really happy about this. I've been emotionally eating all week and I thought that I gained 100 pounds from it. But I didn't!

     So I woke up today, and my mom was making French toast. I managed to get out of eating it by pretending I was still asleep. But then after that my friend texted me asking me to go out to lunch with her. She has a bunch of my stuff so I need to get it from her so I agreed to go. She kept suggesting all these super fattening places that I really didn't want to go. I suggested we go to Applebee's because they have a weight watchers section of their menu. She said sure but were not going until later, which gives me an excuse to skip dinner! 

     Last nights concert was really fun by the way. I had a blast even though my family was kind of bothering me.