Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I'm high and life sucks

     So, I got home from work today and I was all excited to make a yumy dinner and do my chores. But when I pulled in the driveway, there was a big white van there. It look familiar. I walked inside and look out the widow to the backyard. And he was there. The guy who raped me. 
     Instant panic attack. My heart was pounding so hard. I felt that there was no way out. My life was over. 
     I called my boyfriend and he told me that I just needed to get out of there. My friends were going on a sunset cruise so they picked me up and brought me to Plymouth where me and this other girl just walked around and talked. I took 4 Ativan and bought a pack of cigarettes. I'm still pretty fucked up. I can barely type.
     I'm so depressed. I don't even know what to do. Why can't I get him out of my life? He doesn't even understand what he's done to me. It drives me nuts. I can't even think about this anymore. I want to go home and cry. I wish my parents were here. I wish that I was in my dorm where he can't find me. I'm a mess. Help me. 
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7 comments:

  1. J (:July 25, 2013 at 12:49 AM

    Hey Rebecca. My name is CJ. I'm a new reader to your blog, and I've been reading through your posts.
    Some of them are a bit confusing, but it's your space to write and that is what it should be.
    Does your family know about the guy? Do they know what he did to you? Does anyone know?
    Feel free to email me anytime at hugdapuppies@gmail.com if you'd like to talk. I'm always here. (:

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    Replies
    1. RebeccaJuly 25, 2013 at 8:34 AM

      Sorry that they're confusing, especially this one. The guy is a family friend, and he's my ex boyfriend. My parents know that he was abusive, but they don't know to what extent. My mom flat out told me she doesn't wanna know what he did to me. If you need clarification on any other posts, feel free to ask! I just started blogging so tip would be nice! (:

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    2. J (:July 25, 2013 at 10:58 AM

      That must be really hard to deal with. You're so strong for being able to deal with it though.
      I think it's really stupid that your mom doesn't want to know the extent of what he did to you. You deserve for her to be on your side, but I know that it doesn't always work like that. Stay strong. I'm glad you have your current boyfriend who seems like he is willing to help. Xxx

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    3. RebeccaJuly 25, 2013 at 12:42 PM

      It is hard to deal with, but I'm working on it! And thank you <3

      Delete
    4. J (:July 26, 2013 at 7:07 PM

      I wish you the best. You're welcome, too. <3

      Delete
  2. Emily AnonymousJuly 25, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    I'm glad you were able to get out. Being reminded of something like that or thinking you might be in danger is a horrible feeling. I legitimately don't know what to say but I can offer e-hugs :)

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