5/28 Intake

Breakfast:

1/2 Banana - 45

Peanut Butter - 95

Raspberries - 53

Strawberries - 16

Almond Milk - 15

Morning Snack:

Yogurt - 100

Coffee - 1

Brownie - 205

Lunch:

Baby Spinach - 8

Cucumber - 11

Mushroom - 4

Tofu - 63

Oil - 20

Crackers - 190

Afternoon Snack:

Baby Carrots - 35

Peaches - 35

Strawberry Shortcake Roll - 240

Lays Chips - 160

French Onion Dip - 140

Cheese - 98

Dinner:

Salmon - 100

Corn - 80

Total: 1694

     Why did I eat so much? Ugh. I blame work. The people at work always try to fatten me up. Some lady brought in brownies and that just drove my hunger wild. I stuffed my face when I got home. I need to stop eating so much at night. I think I'm going to start going to bed earlier and that will help me to not eat so much junk. Also, I'm going to start reading before bed instead of watching TV because TV and snacks go too well together. I only was 494 over my goal of 1200, which isn't too too bad compared to some of my wild binges. Today feels like a better day though.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 6

Last Weight: 117.8

Todays Weight: 116.6

Difference: -1.2

Last Goal: 116.8

Goal Met? Yes

New Goal: 115.6 by 6/4

     I'm so happy that I lost weight. I didn't know if I would. I've been drinking a lot and getting a bit of a beer belly. Gross. I also went out to dinner with one of my friends last night and my meal was over 1800 calories. Gross. But I did lose! And now I want to just lose more! Time to get my ass into gear! I'm seeing R a week from Saturday and I want to look hot for that!

Motivation of the Week

     So, I have new motivation to stick to my plan this week. I'm going on a date Friday. I am so completely nervous and I don't wanna go, but I am. The guy is someone I met at a party on Sunday. My friend thought he was really hot and wanted to get with him. The two of us went home with him. He didn't make a move on her, but instead flirted with me. My friend was pissed. The three of us pulled an all-nighter. He texted me last night and asked me out to dinner. I feel awkward going, even though my friend said she doesn't mind. I just hate dinner dates. They're so awkward. Ugh.
     The only thing coming out of this is the fact that it makes me want to stick to my meal plan and exercise plan. I want to look amazing for this date!

Weekly Goals

You probably know that I like making goals and lists so here's a list of goals for the last week in May!

1. Only 2 cigarettes a day Monday - Thursday. I'm trying to cut down because I am poor and sick.
2. I want to get out of bed 5 minutes early every day. In June I want to start doing yoga in the mornings, but I need to get used to getting out of bed.
3. Eat 1200 or less calories a day. I've already made a meal plan filled with all healthy foods and I really want to stick with it.
4. Clean everyday. My house is a mess. I really need to just clean a little bit each day so that the mess doesn't get so big.
5. Never skip a workout. I skip workouts all the time and that needs to stop now!
6. Go to sleep early. I need to be getting 8 hours of sleep a night and stop staying up watching TV until midnight.

Sick as a Dog

     I'm sick. And I'm so mad about it. I haven't been sick in months and I thought that I wouldn't be sick again until school started up again. But no. This new lady at work got me sick. Now I'm miserable. I can't exercise. I can barely stay awake. I'm supposed to be having a party Saturday and I really don't want to anymore. I've just been sitting around and drinking loads of tea.
     In other news, yesterday was awful. On top of being really sick, I was also feeling extremely depressed. We found out yesterday that my brother is not going to graduate from high school. My mom was crying and yelling and freaking out on him. My kitten was crying. I couldn't be around it. I drove around for a while and smoked a bunch of cigarettes, which did not help my sore throat and cough. After that I decided to take a bubble bath and drink so chamomile tea and I felt better. I'm so disappointed in my brother. And he doesn't even care that he's not graduating. Ugh.

My Food and Weird Cravings

I really like taking pictures of my food. I think it helps me to do some portion control and what I eat. And it just looks so pretty. So I decided to take some today!
First picture is my breakfast. Glass of cranberry pomegranate juice (50 calories), English muffin (110 calories), fried egg (70 calories), provolone cheese (70 calories) and ketchup (15 calories). It's so delicious and one of my favorite breakfasts. I need to stop eating it so much though because of high fat content (12 grams!) and I want to eat more vegan.  315 calories for my whole breakfast.

Next picture is of my lunch and snacks. I have a diet coke (0 calories), and Nature Valley bar (190 calories), a peach cup (35 calories), baby carrots (35 calories), half a cucumber (23 calories), and a granny smith apple (80 calories). I usually don't eat the Nature Valley bar, but I just grabbed it really quick this morning.

 

So the other thing that has been on my mind is that I've been having the strangest cravings. I really want to eat... flowers. I am hard core craving some flower petals and I have no idea why! I've been looking up recipes for dandelions and roses and lavender and I just want all of them. I've been feeling to need to be closer with nature lately. I might start my own garden. Of flowers. To eat.

Exercise Plan!

This is just an outline of the exercise plan that I've been trying to stick to!
Every day: 30 crunches, 25 squats, 15 push-ups every morning. Increase each by 5 every week.
Monday: Run for 20-30 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10min mile.
Tuesday: Ab day. 2-3 sets. 12 reps each. Crunches, bicycles, planks, Reverse crunches.
Wednesday: Run for 15-25 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10 min mile.
Thursday: Leg day. 2-3 sets. 12 reps each with 5lb weights. Squats, lunges, calf raises.
Friday: Run for 20-30 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10min mile.
Saturday: Arm day. 2-3 set. 12 reps each with 5lb weights. Curls, kick backs, pushups.
Sunday: Rest Day!
It's simple enough that I think I can stick to it. I just do the exercises every day as soon as I get home from work. Sometimes if I have plans for Friday night, I'll do my run on Saturday morning. 

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 5

Last Weight: 112.8 (5/17)

Todays Weight: 117.8

Difference:+5.0

New Goal: 116.8 by 5/28

     I honestly don't think my weight is right. There is no way I've gained 5lbs since Saturday! I'm so mad! It might just be from eating so so so much food yesterday for my birthday. I ate over 2,220 calories! I'm hoping I'll lose weight quickly. I'm going to start getting into an exercise routine, which maybe I'll post about later. Anyways, I hope to lose 1lb by next week. It's going to be hard because of all this birthday cake everyone keeps giving me. I'm just going to have to do a lot of cardio to burn it off!

It's My Birthday

     It's my birthday today, which means lots of cake and ice cream and cookies and food. But that's okay. I'm 20 years old today. I'm no longer a teenager. I've decided that I'm going to make a lot of changes now that I'm "all grown up."
1. Eat Clean. I want to start eating less crap. I want to have a diet of mostly raw organic vegetables and fruits. I also want to only eat organic whole grains and be mostly vegan. I want to stop drinking soda and eating junk food.
2. Exercise Regularly. I want to start up a regular exercise routine. Exercise helps control my depression as well as my waist. I always end up giving up on exercise when the weather gets back, but I don't want to be like that anymore.
3. Save Money. I'm trying to get an apartment to move into for next May (eeek!), so I need to start saving my money up and not spending it on dumb stuff. Budgeting is part of being an adult, right?
4. Be Organized. I want to be more organized, in all aspects of my life. I'm sick of everything being a big mess. I need to decided what's important and what's not and then organize my life, and my stuff.
     I also have other goals for when school starts up again regarding grades, but I'll write those down when it gets closer. Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!

5/18 Intake

Lunch:

 Coffee - 180

Hash Browns - 130

Egg White Flat - 280

Afternoon Snack:

Ravioli - 380

Dinner:

English Muffin - 120

Egg - 70

Cheese - 80

Ketchup - 15

Juice - 50

Total: 1305

I ate a fuck ton. I was in Boston most of the day because I stayed with R Saturday night. He had a meeting Sunday so I walked around and got Dunkin' Donuts. I was insanely hungry too. I haven't been restricting as much as I used to lately. Mostly because I'm terrified of going to the hospital again. I still want to lose weight though. It's a struggle.

I AM BACK

     I'm back guys. A lot of shit has happened since I last posted. My last post I wrote some pretty depressing things. And I apologize for disappearing after that. In December my life fell apart. One of my close friends died in a car accident on December 2nd, and it was awful. She was my roommate's girlfriend and also my best friend's sister. The same day I was in the hospital getting fluids for being dehydrated from not eating and drinking. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me and we got into a huge fight. I got one of my friends kicked out of school by accident.
     During this time, I relapsed on cutting. It had been over a year since I had cut myself. I also got down to the lowest weight I have ever been. I started drinking excessively. I was hospitalized again in January. At this time I met a guy, R. I'll tell you more about him later. But anyways, I decided I needed to start eating and get the fuck out of the hospital. I was miserable for months.
     But, good news! I haven't cut since January 6th, 2014. I'm feeling less depressed. I'm actually quite happy. I haven't gained weight since I've been home from school. And I'm back here! I missed the community here a lot. I hope all of you are doing well!