Weekend of Eating Too Much

     I hate holidays because they always revolve around food. Especially ones like the Fourth of July where it's all cookouts and booze. Ugh.
     Thursday, I ate way too much at my work's cookout. All junk food too. Mostly cookies. So then I decided I wasn't going to eat dinner. But I wanted to get ridiculously drunk. So Romeo bought me a bottle of Bacardi and me, him, and my best friend went to the carnival and drank and went on rides. Then we went to McDonald's and I was trashed and thought french fries sounded like a great idea. Then we were going to a party and some kids tried to jump us but ... we were in a car... and they were on foot... Romeo pulled a knife on them. So what do they do? Throw a bottle of Hennessy into our car. So I drank that too. I was pretty wasted.
     Friday I was like "I'm not gunna eat" but then I took my antibiotics on an empty stomach and I was in horrible pain for 2 hours. I decided too take my best friend out to lunch and got a 1860 calorie meal. Ew. It was pouring rain all day so most festivities were canceled. I had made plans to stay at Romeo's. I wasn't going to eat the rest of the day but we ended up getting pizza at like 9:30 PM. And I had the rest of the Bacardi. And beer.
     Saturday I wasn't going to eat a lot because I had planned on going to R's. However, he broke his fucking phone and I couldn't get a hold of him until later in the day, where he pushed our plans back by 3 hours. I stayed home and just ate food all day with my mom. She made tuna and pasta salad. So. Much. Mayonnaise. Then I finally drove to see R. But guess what. We ended up at Burger King later that night, where I stuffed my face.
     In the morning (by morning I mean noon) he took me out for breakfast and it was so delicious and cute that I didn't care about the calories. I didn't eat again until dinner, but then I totally binged on everything in my house. Ew.
     This upcoming Saturday is my last day on antibiotics. After that I'm going to start restricting again. I miss the hungry feeling.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 7

Last Weight: 116.6

Todays Weight: 115.4

Difference: -1.2

Last Goal: 115.6

Goal Met? Yes

New Goal: 114.4 by 6/11

     This week has been weird. Lots of not sleeping. Really poor eating. All weekend I kind of... forgot to eat. I didn't do it on purpose; it was just something I didn't think of. Friday night I went over this guys house, we'll call him Romeo. I felt nervous going over there so I didn't want to eat anything before. And then I didn't want to eat anything in front of him either. I did have 5 non-light beers though, so I classified that as dinner. It was enough calories to be! 

     Then Saturday  I was supposed to get up early and get my nails done and then drive to Providence to see my friends. But Romeo didn't let me leave his place until noon. I scrambled around at my house for clothes and then spent the next 4 hours in a car. We were going to a show in Provi and I forgot to eat all day. The first thing I ate that day was at 11PM after the show at our friend's house. I had a hamburger bun. And only because I almost pulled my signature move of blacking out in the front row of the show. #fail

     Sunday I had a donut and pizza because I was with my friends. The pizza I pulled everything off of and just ate the bread. I also had about 6 glasses of wine.

     Basically I've just been consuming all of my calories in alcohol. But that's nothing new here....

I AM BACK

     I'm back guys. A lot of shit has happened since I last posted. My last post I wrote some pretty depressing things. And I apologize for disappearing after that. In December my life fell apart. One of my close friends died in a car accident on December 2nd, and it was awful. She was my roommate's girlfriend and also my best friend's sister. The same day I was in the hospital getting fluids for being dehydrated from not eating and drinking. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me and we got into a huge fight. I got one of my friends kicked out of school by accident.
     During this time, I relapsed on cutting. It had been over a year since I had cut myself. I also got down to the lowest weight I have ever been. I started drinking excessively. I was hospitalized again in January. At this time I met a guy, R. I'll tell you more about him later. But anyways, I decided I needed to start eating and get the fuck out of the hospital. I was miserable for months.
     But, good news! I haven't cut since January 6th, 2014. I'm feeling less depressed. I'm actually quite happy. I haven't gained weight since I've been home from school. And I'm back here! I missed the community here a lot. I hope all of you are doing well!

Feeling Better

     Thanks for your kind words on my last post. It really means a lot that people actually care about me.
     So, I'm not feeling 100% better, but I was definitely less depressed than yesterday. I cried myself to sleep last night and when I woke up my boyfriend called me right away to make sure I was okay. I spent the day packing for school. I'm so excited now! I move in on Monday. I promise I will start making better posts once I move in! Everything has been so hectic.

Weekend Adventures

      I haven't posted in a few days because I've been really busy this weekend mixed with also being pretty depressed lately. So here's is just a little update.
     Friday: Friday I went shopping and got some new clothes for school. I was feel pretty awesome. Then when I got home my brother and I got into a fight and I decided to eat a ton of junk food and then go to sleep instead of dealing with it.
     Saturday: Saturday I went to the beach and on my Uncle's boat. I was feeling good and having some drinks and then we ordered pizza. I didn't feel bad about it because I was a little tipsy. Then I got really bloated after eating and my uncle called me fat. After the beach, I told my friend I was going to take a shower and then we could hang out later. Come 10 PM, no one had texted me to hangout so I was going to go to bed. I went on twitter to see all my friends tweeting about hanging out together and they hadn't invited me. Cue eating an entire bag of cheesy popcorn.
     Sunday: Sunday I went into the city to visit one of my friends who is graduating soon. I went with my college roommate, and of course her family owns a bakery in the North End. We ate some sweets but then walked around a lot. Then I had a spinach and cheese calzone. Not diet drinks. Then we went to our school and our friend made pasta with sauce and buttery bread. And my roommate brought cannolis for dessert.
     I have to weigh in on Wednesday and I'm scared to fuck. I need to stop using food to cope with my depression. It's so bad. :/

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 1

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In! From now on I'll just call it WWW.

Last Weight: 121.4

Todays Weight: 122.4

Difference: +1.0

Goal: 120.4 by 8/14

     ugh. I gained weight. It's because I've been binging like crazy. When I get upset, all I do is eat. I need to find something else to do besides eat. I was smoking before, but now that's I'm quitting I'm not sure what to do. Also, I'm going on 4+ day with no poop. It's gross, I know, but that has to add to some of the reason why I gained. Even with my binges my calories intake was still under 2000 a day and I've been exercising. Gaining weight just all around sucks.

     So what's my plan for this next week before weigh-in again? I'm going to be really strict with myself. No snacking after dinner even if I have calories left over. I'm going to try spreading my dinner out. Like eat one thing at a time and then wait to eat more. That way I can see if I'm really hungry or not. Exercise cannot be skipped. No excuses. I'm hoping to drop 2 lbs this week. I NEED to drop 2 lbs this week.

     I still need to stay positive though. If I'm not positive, then I'll get depressed and when I'm depressed I binge and when I binge, I gain weight. A lady at work gave me a gift card to Starbucks, and that's awesome because it's a 1 mile walk from my school. So there's an easy excuse to walk 2 miles! And black coffee with splenda has barely any calories. If I stay strict with myself, I can be 116lbs by the time I go back to school! I just need to stay motivated and stop being so damn depressed!

7/30 Intake

Breakfast:

Diet Coke - 0

Lunch:

Cottage Cheese - 40

Cucumber - 8

Baby Spinach - 9

Baby Carrots - 35

Apple Sauce - 50

Dinner:

Quinoa - 170

Pasta Sauce - 80

Mushrooms - 20

Onions - 17

Olive Oil - 20

Snacks:

Peanut Butter Nips - 30

Cucumber - 8

Chex Mix - 130

Nectarine - 62

Total: 679

Exercise: 683

Net: -4

     I cooked dinner for the whole family tonight. A delicious mixture of quinoa, tomato sauce, mushrooms and onions. For those who don't know, quinoa is a grain-like substance that is super delicious. It's actually a seed that's found in South America. It has every amino acid that the body needs to survive. This is great for vegetarian because a few amino acids are hard to find outside of animals products. Quinoa plain tastes like weird oatmeal, but if you mix it with any kind of sauce (tomato sauce and salsa are my favs) then it tastes amazing. It's not toooooo high in calories. And every calorie is worth it! Try it sometime!

     I ate a lot. Again. As always. But I'm having another good day. I've been trying to think positively about things. And I ordered new shoes on eBay. They're shipping from China, so it'll take a month. But I'll post a picture when I get them!!

Announcement

     So I'm going to be changing some stuff here soon! I've been working on a new template for the blog. It's almost finished. I'm going to put it up after I get 1000 total page views, so that should be soon!
     You might have also noticed that there is an ad on my blog now. I'm a poor college student and until I can find a different source of income, the ad is going to be up. That doesn't mean I don't care about every single person who reads this blog! I still love all of you. <3

7/23 Intake

Breakfast:

Diet Coke - 0

Lunch:

Nothing - 0

Dinner:

Flour Tortilla - 150

Taco Cheese - 50

Salsa - 15

Onion - 8

Mushroom - 10

Baby Spinach -2

Total: 235

Exercise: 642

Net: -407

     So I broke my fast at 8PM tonight. I know, it's not the best, but at least I did some fasting. I was feeling dizzy so I made a weird veggie burrito and it was delicious. I was going to eat these microwave noodles, but they were gross. The best part about today is If every day were like today you'd weigh 97.9 lbs in five weeks. So happy about that.Obviously I can't eat this little every day, but it's a start. I think I'm going to do that same thing tomorrow. Let's aim for 24 hours instead of 22 this time?

Weekend with my Boyfriend

     I over ate. I knew that I would. He makes me eat more than I should. I've gained a little bit, but now that my boyfriend is gone I can just not eat today to lose that little bit. I'm not going to post what I ate, because its repulsive. But it did include ice cream, tacos, and wine. 

     However, I did buy a dress this weekend. It's a body con dress, so I'm a little afraid to wear it out just yet, but a couple more pounds and it'll be perfect. So happy about that!