7/15 Intake

Breakfast:

Coffee - 2

Morning Snack:

Coffee - 2

Yogurt - 100

Lunch:

Pita - 80

Lightlife "turkey" -25

Mustard - 0

Fruit Cup - 40

Afternoon Snack:

Baby Carrot - 35

Pasta Salad - 150

Cheese - 40

Dinner:

Cheese - 23

Zucchini - 21

Salmon Burger - 110

Lettuce - 10

Frozen Veggies - 60

Wasabi - 10

Ice Cream - 130

Chocolate Sauce - 25

Total: 888

7/14 Intake

Breakfast:

Coffee - 1

Morning Snack:

Coffee - 2

Yogurt - 100

Lunch:

Pita - 80

Lightlife "turkey" - 50

Mustard - 0

Fruit Cup - 40

Afternoon Snack:

Baby Carrot - 35

Potato Salad - 107

Dinner:

Seafood Salad - 113

Carrots - 60

Ketchup - 15

Corn - 150

Veggie Burger - 110

Lettuce - 10

Total: 873

7/7 Intake

Breakfast:

Egg - 70

English Muffin - 110

Ketchup - 15

Cheese - 79

Morning Snack:

Yogurt - 100

Lunch: 

Fruit Cup - 40

Lettuce - 4

Pita Bread - 60

Seafood Salad - 102

Afternoon Snack: 

Carrots - 35

Trail Mix - 130

Ice Cream Bar - 180

Chips - 160

Dinner:

Seafood Baked Thing - 441

Wine - 192

Total: 1718

And then Satan said "Let there be calories in alcohol"

     Ugh I would have been totally fine if I hadn't of eaten so many snacks at work. My boss bought ice cream and we still had a bunch of leftover stuff from the cookout. Then I thought I'd just have something small for dinner, but Romeo took me out to a fancy restaurant, and I was kinda drunk. Fuck. I'm going out AGAIN tonight. For sushi. I'm leaving 600 whole fucking calories for tonight's dinner because I am not repeating yesterday.

7/2 Intake

Breakfast:

Egg - 70

English Muffin - 110

Ketchup - 15

Morning Snack:

Greek Yogurt - 100

Lunch:

Cheese - 70

Tofurky - 40

Lettuce - 4

Fruit Cup - 40

Hummus - 35

Flat bread - 100

Afternoon Snack:

Carrots - 35

Trail Mix - 130

Cookie - 185

Dinner:

Salad - 20

Lentil Soup - 240

Peas - 24

Total: 1218

If every day were like today you'd weigh 111.9lbs in 5 weeks

     Not bad today. I'm very pleased with the outcome. I did eat extra snacks at work today, because my boss bought them for our cookout tomorrow. I didn't have my flat bread in there originally because I forgot to add it to MFP. I was excited on how low I was and indulged. I still ended up right around my target of 1200 calories. There's a cookout at work tomorrow for the fourth of July and I'm nervous about it. My boss got so many cookies and chips. I'm eating a light breakfast and not bringing any food to work. I'm going to allow myself 500-600 calories at the cookout so that I can eat some of the yummy stuff!

5/28 Intake

Breakfast:

1/2 Banana - 45

Peanut Butter - 95

Raspberries - 53

Strawberries - 16

Almond Milk - 15

Morning Snack:

Yogurt - 100

Coffee - 1

Brownie - 205

Lunch:

Baby Spinach - 8

Cucumber - 11

Mushroom - 4

Tofu - 63

Oil - 20

Crackers - 190

Afternoon Snack:

Baby Carrots - 35

Peaches - 35

Strawberry Shortcake Roll - 240

Lays Chips - 160

French Onion Dip - 140

Cheese - 98

Dinner:

Salmon - 100

Corn - 80

Total: 1694

     Why did I eat so much? Ugh. I blame work. The people at work always try to fatten me up. Some lady brought in brownies and that just drove my hunger wild. I stuffed my face when I got home. I need to stop eating so much at night. I think I'm going to start going to bed earlier and that will help me to not eat so much junk. Also, I'm going to start reading before bed instead of watching TV because TV and snacks go too well together. I only was 494 over my goal of 1200, which isn't too too bad compared to some of my wild binges. Today feels like a better day though.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 6

Last Weight: 117.8

Todays Weight: 116.6

Difference: -1.2

Last Goal: 116.8

Goal Met? Yes

New Goal: 115.6 by 6/4

     I'm so happy that I lost weight. I didn't know if I would. I've been drinking a lot and getting a bit of a beer belly. Gross. I also went out to dinner with one of my friends last night and my meal was over 1800 calories. Gross. But I did lose! And now I want to just lose more! Time to get my ass into gear! I'm seeing R a week from Saturday and I want to look hot for that!

Weekly Goals

You probably know that I like making goals and lists so here's a list of goals for the last week in May!

1. Only 2 cigarettes a day Monday - Thursday. I'm trying to cut down because I am poor and sick.
2. I want to get out of bed 5 minutes early every day. In June I want to start doing yoga in the mornings, but I need to get used to getting out of bed.
3. Eat 1200 or less calories a day. I've already made a meal plan filled with all healthy foods and I really want to stick with it.
4. Clean everyday. My house is a mess. I really need to just clean a little bit each day so that the mess doesn't get so big.
5. Never skip a workout. I skip workouts all the time and that needs to stop now!
6. Go to sleep early. I need to be getting 8 hours of sleep a night and stop staying up watching TV until midnight.

My Food and Weird Cravings

I really like taking pictures of my food. I think it helps me to do some portion control and what I eat. And it just looks so pretty. So I decided to take some today!
First picture is my breakfast. Glass of cranberry pomegranate juice (50 calories), English muffin (110 calories), fried egg (70 calories), provolone cheese (70 calories) and ketchup (15 calories). It's so delicious and one of my favorite breakfasts. I need to stop eating it so much though because of high fat content (12 grams!) and I want to eat more vegan.  315 calories for my whole breakfast.

Next picture is of my lunch and snacks. I have a diet coke (0 calories), and Nature Valley bar (190 calories), a peach cup (35 calories), baby carrots (35 calories), half a cucumber (23 calories), and a granny smith apple (80 calories). I usually don't eat the Nature Valley bar, but I just grabbed it really quick this morning.

 

So the other thing that has been on my mind is that I've been having the strangest cravings. I really want to eat... flowers. I am hard core craving some flower petals and I have no idea why! I've been looking up recipes for dandelions and roses and lavender and I just want all of them. I've been feeling to need to be closer with nature lately. I might start my own garden. Of flowers. To eat.

It's My Birthday

     It's my birthday today, which means lots of cake and ice cream and cookies and food. But that's okay. I'm 20 years old today. I'm no longer a teenager. I've decided that I'm going to make a lot of changes now that I'm "all grown up."
1. Eat Clean. I want to start eating less crap. I want to have a diet of mostly raw organic vegetables and fruits. I also want to only eat organic whole grains and be mostly vegan. I want to stop drinking soda and eating junk food.
2. Exercise Regularly. I want to start up a regular exercise routine. Exercise helps control my depression as well as my waist. I always end up giving up on exercise when the weather gets back, but I don't want to be like that anymore.
3. Save Money. I'm trying to get an apartment to move into for next May (eeek!), so I need to start saving my money up and not spending it on dumb stuff. Budgeting is part of being an adult, right?
4. Be Organized. I want to be more organized, in all aspects of my life. I'm sick of everything being a big mess. I need to decided what's important and what's not and then organize my life, and my stuff.
     I also have other goals for when school starts up again regarding grades, but I'll write those down when it gets closer. Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!

5/18 Intake

Lunch:

 Coffee - 180

Hash Browns - 130

Egg White Flat - 280

Afternoon Snack:

Ravioli - 380

Dinner:

English Muffin - 120

Egg - 70

Cheese - 80

Ketchup - 15

Juice - 50

Total: 1305

I ate a fuck ton. I was in Boston most of the day because I stayed with R Saturday night. He had a meeting Sunday so I walked around and got Dunkin' Donuts. I was insanely hungry too. I haven't been restricting as much as I used to lately. Mostly because I'm terrified of going to the hospital again. I still want to lose weight though. It's a struggle.

9/9 Intake

Breakfast:

Egg over Medium - 70

Lunch:

Organic Quinoa & Rice - 240

Peaches - 50

Baby Bel - 50

Dinner:

Whole Wheat Pasta - 140

Spaghetti Sauce - 60

Green Beans - 33

Morning Star "Chicken" Patty - 140

Snack:

Baby Carrots - 35

Total: 818

     Wow. I'm really happy with myself. I'm stuffed and I haven't even had my baby carrots yet! And everything is relatively healthy. And I can actually measure my food out all the time now without my parents annoying me. Yeah, I had a little bit over my carbs for the day, but I didn't go over on sugar. I only cook 1 cup of pasta and then add a bunch of stuff to it so that it looks like a lot more calories than it is and it tastes so good. I feel amazing. Today was just such a wonderful day.

Ramblings

     So, I've been doing pretty good with cutting out snacking lately and I'm very proud of that. I think it's because I have to buy my own groceries and I only buy healthy stuff to snack on.
     I'm working on creating different eating plans for myself. I need frequent snacks because I have class form 8AM until 7PM and that's a long day. Sometimes I don't have time to come back to my dorm and make lunch. I've made my daily calorie limit 886, which I've calculated should allow me to lose 1-1.5lbs a week. Plus, I can still eat. And once I lose more weight, I will just recalculate this number and adjust.
     School is going great. I'm so happy. My teachers aren't that great. Lots of thick accents and getting off track. But, this semester I'm actually really excited about what I'm learning, so when I do readings and homeworks it's not super boring.
     I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology [but it's mostly physiology], Electrical Circuit Analysis and Design [basically circuit 1 & 2], C++ Programming, Chemistry [again because I failed last year], and Technical Communications [public speaking and technical writing]. It's a challenge, but I'm feeling really positive about this year. Although the class time isn't that much fun, I do enjoy learning so much.
     I'm such a nerd.
     Well anyways, sorry for this super boring post. I'm off to do a "learn how to use a microscope" lab. For the 4th time in my life. -__-

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 3

Last Weight: 124.4

Todays Weight: 124.6

Difference: +0.2

Last Goal: 122.4 by 8/21

Goal Met? No

New Goal: 122.8 by 8/28

     Another gain! No surprise there, because I'm a failure. All I've been doing is binging and being depressed and having panic attacks. I can't stand it. I woke up this morning and couldn't fit into my jeans, so I had to wear my "fat pants" which are usually super loose. Now they're not. What's really bothering me is that I'm seeing some of the people I used to be friends with this weekend. I want to be skinny to show them up. But, that's not going to happen. I'm planning on only eating 1 meal today, but tomorrow my dad is taking me to Wendy's. I hate feeling so fat.

Stopping the Cycle

     So, these past couple weeks I've been on a huge binge cycle where I restrict all day until about 9PM and then eat to the point of almost vomiting, but I can't purge because my parents are always around. I feel huge. I feel so disgusting. I don't want to be seen like this. I was watching Supersize vs. Super Skinny last night [can be found here] and it just made me realize that if I keep eating this much, I'm going to get so huge. I know what I need to do, but I always think it'll be okay to have just a little bit of chips or just one cookie. But that never happens. I always lose control. I can't let myself do that anymore. And it used to be fine to do it, because I could just purge. Now with my parents and brother always around, I can't do that and I have to deal with all this high fat & high calorie food sitting in my stomach. So things I need to starts doing:

• Eat slower. I eat too fast and then don't feel full until I've already eaten a whole box of cookies..
• Keep track of how many pounds I want to lose. I'm going to write the number on my hand or wrist every day. It's less noticeable than a weight.Today's number is 25.
• Choose better foods. If I want chips, then have a rice cake. If I want cookies, then have some prunes. No one wants to binge on rice cakes! But I can still get the crunchiness. 
• Spend less time at my house. I need to make plans for the week so I'm not sitting at my house with nothing to do but go to food.
• Write more. I'm an emotional eater and I need to get my emotions out of me instead of stuffing food into myself.

     That's all I got for now. I'm so terrified of becoming fat. I need to get this under control. And I'm sorry that I make so many lists. It's an obsession!

Goodbye Dinner

     So one of my friends is starting college soon and she's moving in Sunday. I'm going away this weekend, so I won't be around to say good-bye. She wanted to go out to dinner tonight so that I could see her before she left. We decided to get sushi. I was okay with this because I love sushi and I can justify the calories. I planned what I was going to eat and I added the calories up and I was happy.
     Then she called me right before I got home. "I can't afford sushi. We're going to Red Robin instead." What. The. Fuck. Now, Red Robin is delicious. But oh so fatty and gross and filling. I didn't have any time to calculate and figure out what to eat. I ended up getting a veggie burger with cheese, which is what I usually get. Oh my god. I still feel sick. All that fat. I want to throw up.
     I hate when my friends pick the restaurant. I can't tell them how much it bothers me, because I don't want them to know. And I couldn't ask her to pick a different place, because it was her dinner. I did run 2 miles today though, and I walked 14,000 steps at work. I still feel disgusting.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 2

Last Weight: 122.4

Todays Weight: 124.4

Difference: +2.0

Last Goal: 120.4 by 8/14

Goal Met? No

New Goal: 122.4 by 8/21

     I'm so pissed at myself. I haven't weighed this much in over 2 years. I am disgusted by this number. I keep blaming the gain on quitting smoking and being stressed out. But there is no one to blame but myself. I lost control. And I need to get that control back.

      So, what's the plan? Obviously what I'm doing isn't working, so new plan. I lowered my calorie allowance to 500 net calories a day. I have to jog 2 times a week for 30 minutes while I'm still working. When I go back to school, it has to be 3 times a week. I must walk 10,000 steps a day at least on work days. Food that I can have whenever will be fruits and vegetables. Food that is limited is beans, rice cakes, low fat dairy, avocado, quinoa. Food that is off limits except when I have no choice: bread, rice, junk food. yes this means putting my bagel thins in the freezer until I can control myself.

     I need to regain control of my diet, my weight, and my life. My goal is to be 117 lbs by the time school starts. Wish me luck!

Water

     I hate when people say "I don't drink water because it makes me fat." No. No. No. Water does not make you fat. Water is the one thing that has zero calories! Water is vital for your body. You can't survive for than 3 day without any water. It is recommended that the average adult drink 8 glasses of water a day. Drinking water is especially important for weight loss or if you just want to be healthy! And you don't gain weight from it. Yes, the actual water will weigh something in your stomach, but you just pee it out! So how can you drink more?

• Bring a water bottle every where. I have one in my car, at my desk at work, and next to my bed. It's always there to grab!
• Replace your drinks. Replace your usual juice with breakfast or soda with lunch for some water.
• Order water at restaurants. It's usually free so you can cut down the cost of your meal. [I'm poor]
• Flavor your water. If you don't like the taste of water, then get some crystal light or mio and add some flavor. You won't be able to stop drinking it!

To Do Before Weigh-In

     Since I'm really scared about me weigh-in in two days, I've devised a plan that has to work to get me to the weight I want to be. I have to follow it exactly as it is! 
     Today: I'm going to eat my lunch that i brought today, and no other snacks. When I get home, I am going to put my sheets into the wash and then going for a 30 minute jog. Then I'm going to take a shower and have dinner. If my mom is making dinner, I will just have a little of what she makes. If not, then I will make a mixture of beans and veggies with salsa on it. I will not eat any snacks after this, even if I have "left over" calories. After dinner, I will clean and put away my clean laundry. Then I will paint my nails. while watching netflix. Then I will organize things for school. Finally I will call my boyfriend and go to sleep.
     Tomorrow: I'm going to go through my normal work day. After work, I will do some more laundry and then 30 minutes of pilates. Then I'll shower. After I will have dinner. If my mom doesn't cook then I'll have a salad with a veggie burger cut up on it. After dinner I will clean and then organize things for school again. Then I will watch netflix and NOT eat any snacks. Then I'll talk to my boyfriend and go to bed.
     If I follow this plan, I should definitely be able to get to 120lbs by Wednesday. Then I will make a similar plan for the next week. If I make a precise plan, then I'm more likely to follow it.

Weekend Adventures

      I haven't posted in a few days because I've been really busy this weekend mixed with also being pretty depressed lately. So here's is just a little update.
     Friday: Friday I went shopping and got some new clothes for school. I was feel pretty awesome. Then when I got home my brother and I got into a fight and I decided to eat a ton of junk food and then go to sleep instead of dealing with it.
     Saturday: Saturday I went to the beach and on my Uncle's boat. I was feeling good and having some drinks and then we ordered pizza. I didn't feel bad about it because I was a little tipsy. Then I got really bloated after eating and my uncle called me fat. After the beach, I told my friend I was going to take a shower and then we could hang out later. Come 10 PM, no one had texted me to hangout so I was going to go to bed. I went on twitter to see all my friends tweeting about hanging out together and they hadn't invited me. Cue eating an entire bag of cheesy popcorn.
     Sunday: Sunday I went into the city to visit one of my friends who is graduating soon. I went with my college roommate, and of course her family owns a bakery in the North End. We ate some sweets but then walked around a lot. Then I had a spinach and cheese calzone. Not diet drinks. Then we went to our school and our friend made pasta with sauce and buttery bread. And my roommate brought cannolis for dessert.
     I have to weigh in on Wednesday and I'm scared to fuck. I need to stop using food to cope with my depression. It's so bad. :/

Zero Calorie Noodles - The Truth

     Okay almost anyone in the ED community, or even just dieters, have heard of these amazing noodles. They've been called Zero Noodles, Miracle Noodles, amount other names. Imagine, noodles with no calories! Sounds great, right? But of course there's a catch.
     Theses noodles are actually shirataki noodles. They're made from a type of Japanese yam. The ones I buy also contain tofu, so they're not zero calories. There's 15 calories per serving with 2 servings per bag. One serving a plenty for one person. They come in a bag filled with liquid. I found them next to the tofu at my local super market. The noodles are very squishy and remind me of microwave udon noodles.
     I have nothing against these noodles, but there are things you should know before purchasing them. They smell. Like really bad. This means you have to rinse them, a lot. And try microwaving them in some water. They don't taste how they smell, so don't worry. Also, these noodles aren't that great to replace pasta. They taste much better in Asian food, especially in a stir fry. They have a weird texture, so if you have a texture problem, they might not be good for you. Also, they are a bit pricey, but I have found coupons before!
     Today I made a delicious dinner that under 200 calories for the whole thing. It was so filling that I didn't even eat it all though. First I prepared the noodles. I drained them and then heated them in a non-stick skillet to dry them out a bit. I took them out and then added cut up veggies with a little bit of olive oil. I cooked them and then added an instant stir fry sauce. I mixed that up and then added the noodles. It was so delicious!