Plan for July

     Seeing as it's the last day of June, I thought that I'd post my diet / fitness plan for July. I'm trying to keep it as healthy as possible, which is difficult for me, but I know it will make me feel better overall.
     Diet Plan: I'm planning on starting the month eating 1200 calories a day. I need to be eating a healthy amount while I'm still recovering from Lyme Disease. If I'm not losing weight, then I will decrease my intake after I'm off antibiotics. I'm going to eat 3 meals a day and two snacks. Every meal will be planned. I'm also trying to incorporate more protein into my diet.
     Fitness Plan: I want to be working out 6 days a week. This is my main focus for the month. Since I'm going to be eating more than usual, I want to take this chance to work on building my muscles up. Monday is ab day. Tuesday is cardio. Wednesday is leg day. Thursday is cardio. Friday is arm day. Saturday is cardio. Sunday is rest day. The exercises I have planned are mostly beginner exercises. I'm really excited to start getting fit instead of skinny.
     I know it's going to be really hard.  I keep reminding myself that I need to eat and exercise in order to be happy and healthy. All I've wanted to do lately is purge, but I can't throw up my antibiotics. Planning my meals ahead really helps with not binging. I'm still having trouble with my night time emotional eating. I'm making sure I don't do that the entire July though. I'm excited.

Stopping the Cycle

     So, these past couple weeks I've been on a huge binge cycle where I restrict all day until about 9PM and then eat to the point of almost vomiting, but I can't purge because my parents are always around. I feel huge. I feel so disgusting. I don't want to be seen like this. I was watching Supersize vs. Super Skinny last night [can be found here] and it just made me realize that if I keep eating this much, I'm going to get so huge. I know what I need to do, but I always think it'll be okay to have just a little bit of chips or just one cookie. But that never happens. I always lose control. I can't let myself do that anymore. And it used to be fine to do it, because I could just purge. Now with my parents and brother always around, I can't do that and I have to deal with all this high fat & high calorie food sitting in my stomach. So things I need to starts doing:

• Eat slower. I eat too fast and then don't feel full until I've already eaten a whole box of cookies..
• Keep track of how many pounds I want to lose. I'm going to write the number on my hand or wrist every day. It's less noticeable than a weight.Today's number is 25.
• Choose better foods. If I want chips, then have a rice cake. If I want cookies, then have some prunes. No one wants to binge on rice cakes! But I can still get the crunchiness. 
• Spend less time at my house. I need to make plans for the week so I'm not sitting at my house with nothing to do but go to food.
• Write more. I'm an emotional eater and I need to get my emotions out of me instead of stuffing food into myself.

     That's all I got for now. I'm so terrified of becoming fat. I need to get this under control. And I'm sorry that I make so many lists. It's an obsession!

What to Do When You Binge

     Face it, no one's perfect, and we all make mistakes. One of those mistakes in binging. Now, I'm not talking about over eating by 100 calories or so. I'm talking about eating 1000+ calories in one sitting. I'm really bad at binging all the time, which caused me to get into the habit of purging. Purging is not the answer. One binge isn't going to make you gain 10 pounds. It's okay. This is what to do when you binge:

• Get away from the food. Go somewhere else so that you aren't tempted to eat more. You will just get more upset.
• Stay calm. Take deep breaths and try not to obsess over it. Don't go and count the calories up in everything you ate.
• Think about taking some medicine to make your stomach feel better. Your body isn't going to like all the junk you put into it.
• Get yourself involved in a different activity. What were you doing before you binged? If you were watching TV, then stop watching TV.
• After you've calmed down, try to think about WHY you binged. Was it because you were really emotional? Did your hunger overtake you? Try to do something else when this happens. If it's emotional, try talking to someone or writing it down. If it's hunger, try having a small snack and eat it away from other food.
• Always remember that tomorrow is a new day.

I hope this helped!

Binge. Purge. Fast.

     So I ended up binging and purging last night. I'm so mad at myself. I've been trying to stop purging, but it's just so addictive. Nothing good ever comes out of it either. I only lost 0.8lb. Since I didn't lose what I wanted I decided that I'm going to fast today. I'm either going to fast until 6:30AM tomorrow or until 12PM tomorrow. It all depends on how I feel.
     My mistake yesterday was listening to my boyfriend. He was saying "You're not fat. It's okay to have a snack before bed." No, fuck you. I am fat and it turned into a huge binge. My stomach was so upset this morning. Today I'm going to go home and do my chores and then go out shopping. I'll try on clothes that are too small for me. That will make me want to be skinnier, but also I'll be away from food. I might buy a scale too. I need one for school and that's only a month away.
     So far I've been fasting 15 hours. Not a lot, but any amount is good. By the end I'm hoping to be at 32.5 to 38 hours. I might do another fast later this week, but I'm not sure yet. I'll keep you posted!