Weekly Goals

     Kicking my butt into gear for July! I weighed in today verrryyy high and I'm really sad about it. I'm seeing R this weekend so I'm gunna go hard this week.
 Today:
- Take "before" pics and post them
- Don't eat after dinner
- Run at least 1 mile
Wednesday:
- Cut calories at breakfast
- 2 sets of leg workout
- morning cardio
Thursday:
- Run at least 1 mile
- Morning cardio
Friday:
- 3 sets arm workout
- morning cardio
- conserve calories for alcohol
Saturday: 
- run 1 mile in the morning
- crunches, pushups, squats before seeing R
- eat light before going
Sunday:
- rest day
- if get home early, take a walk at night
     It's going to be hard, because I've been binging so much. I've gotten into the habit of plopping in front of the TV and watching Law & Order while eating until I want to vomit. R is my motivation this week. I keep saying little reminders in my head. I also keep telling myself that if I work hard now, it'll be easier down the road. Like, if I stick to this weeks workouts then next weeks will feel easier. Anyways, I'm taking "before" pics before I go for my run later and I'll try to get them up tonight!

Plan for July

     Seeing as it's the last day of June, I thought that I'd post my diet / fitness plan for July. I'm trying to keep it as healthy as possible, which is difficult for me, but I know it will make me feel better overall.
     Diet Plan: I'm planning on starting the month eating 1200 calories a day. I need to be eating a healthy amount while I'm still recovering from Lyme Disease. If I'm not losing weight, then I will decrease my intake after I'm off antibiotics. I'm going to eat 3 meals a day and two snacks. Every meal will be planned. I'm also trying to incorporate more protein into my diet.
     Fitness Plan: I want to be working out 6 days a week. This is my main focus for the month. Since I'm going to be eating more than usual, I want to take this chance to work on building my muscles up. Monday is ab day. Tuesday is cardio. Wednesday is leg day. Thursday is cardio. Friday is arm day. Saturday is cardio. Sunday is rest day. The exercises I have planned are mostly beginner exercises. I'm really excited to start getting fit instead of skinny.
     I know it's going to be really hard.  I keep reminding myself that I need to eat and exercise in order to be happy and healthy. All I've wanted to do lately is purge, but I can't throw up my antibiotics. Planning my meals ahead really helps with not binging. I'm still having trouble with my night time emotional eating. I'm making sure I don't do that the entire July though. I'm excited.

Baby Steps I Guess?

     Yesterday wasn't all that bad. I mean I binged... but it happens. Sigh. I'm working on it. I totaled at about 1484 calories. It was 867 before my binge. That's a 617 calorie binge. Gross. I mean 1/3 of it was alcohol. Woops. I went out with Romeo last night and decided I wanted to drink the whiskey I had in my purse for the past 2 weeks. And then I had a glass of Chardonnay (and he had the rest of the bottle). I was a little tipsy and when I got home I went straight for the fridge. I just shoved my face full of bread and cheese.
     But there is a positive side!! I ate healthy the rest of the day. Egg whites for breakfast. Greek yogurt for snack. Flat bread tofurkey sandwich and fruit for lunch. Baby carrots for snack. A veggie burger and veggies for dinner. I love making my own food. I think it's part of my control issues. I also exercised yesterday. I did a short morning workout and then 2 sets of my leg workout. I am sore today!! But it feels really good.
     I'm also in a really good mood today. Starting my day with a meal and a workout really makes a difference. I also want to start adding in a little bit of yoga to my daily routine. Hanging out with Romeo also helped me feel better. He's been really nice with the whole "my face is fucked up looking" thing.
     I'm going back to see my GP today so they can monitor my Lyme and Bell's recovery. My dad wants me to get an MRI and see a neurologist, but I really don't want to. I'd like to stay as far away from the hospital as possible. If my GP wants me to see a specialist then I will, but I don't think there's really much they can do for me.

Goals for the Week

     Instead of doing a weigh-in today, I'm just going to make a list of goals for the week. I don't want to look at my weight because I need to be worrying about my health more than how I look. Also, the drugs I'm on for my Bell's Palsy are making me very emotional and I don't need anymore stress. So, goals for the week so that I can weigh-in next week!

• Eat balanced. I don't want to restrict while I'm still trying to beat Lyme disease. So I want to eat healthy and balanced. 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, roughly around 1200 calories. I usually do really well until night time. Then I get bored and stressed out. I need to find other things to do at night!!
• Back to Exercise! I'm starting my exercise routine back up again. I'm limiting running though because it bothers my eye. I'm going to start my weight lifting back up though now that I'm starting to get more energy.
• Earlier mornings! I've actually been doing pretty well with waking up earlier. A little exercise in the morning definitely helps and so does playing with my cat. 
• More positive thinking. I'm thinking about printing out some positive quotes and hanging them up or putting little notes places to try to help myself be more positive. I haven't been in therapy in 2 months and it's getting hard, but with only 2 months left of summer, I don't want to bother.

     That's it for now. I'm trying to get healthy again and get my energy back still. I stop the Prednisone the end of this week, so hopefully my mood will improve after that!!

Weekly Goals

You probably know that I like making goals and lists so here's a list of goals for the last week in May!

1. Only 2 cigarettes a day Monday - Thursday. I'm trying to cut down because I am poor and sick.
2. I want to get out of bed 5 minutes early every day. In June I want to start doing yoga in the mornings, but I need to get used to getting out of bed.
3. Eat 1200 or less calories a day. I've already made a meal plan filled with all healthy foods and I really want to stick with it.
4. Clean everyday. My house is a mess. I really need to just clean a little bit each day so that the mess doesn't get so big.
5. Never skip a workout. I skip workouts all the time and that needs to stop now!
6. Go to sleep early. I need to be getting 8 hours of sleep a night and stop staying up watching TV until midnight.

Exercise Plan!

This is just an outline of the exercise plan that I've been trying to stick to!
Every day: 30 crunches, 25 squats, 15 push-ups every morning. Increase each by 5 every week.
Monday: Run for 20-30 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10min mile.
Tuesday: Ab day. 2-3 sets. 12 reps each. Crunches, bicycles, planks, Reverse crunches.
Wednesday: Run for 15-25 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10 min mile.
Thursday: Leg day. 2-3 sets. 12 reps each with 5lb weights. Squats, lunges, calf raises.
Friday: Run for 20-30 minutes. Try to maintain an average speed of 10min mile.
Saturday: Arm day. 2-3 set. 12 reps each with 5lb weights. Curls, kick backs, pushups.
Sunday: Rest Day!
It's simple enough that I think I can stick to it. I just do the exercises every day as soon as I get home from work. Sometimes if I have plans for Friday night, I'll do my run on Saturday morning. 

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 5

Last Weight: 112.8 (5/17)

Todays Weight: 117.8

Difference:+5.0

New Goal: 116.8 by 5/28

     I honestly don't think my weight is right. There is no way I've gained 5lbs since Saturday! I'm so mad! It might just be from eating so so so much food yesterday for my birthday. I ate over 2,220 calories! I'm hoping I'll lose weight quickly. I'm going to start getting into an exercise routine, which maybe I'll post about later. Anyways, I hope to lose 1lb by next week. It's going to be hard because of all this birthday cake everyone keeps giving me. I'm just going to have to do a lot of cardio to burn it off!

11/24 Intake

Lunch:

Soup: 320

Grilled Cheese: 260

Bread: 140

Exercise:

Workout #1: 100

Walking: 168

Total: 720

Net: 453

Meh. Not too bad today. Had a lunch date with my boyfriend at Panera Bread. Obviously I could do better. I found a new 100 calorie workout that is a combination of jumping jacks, crunches, squats, and pushups. Enough to get my heart racing, but not enough to make me want to pass out. I think I'll start doing it every day. I've been getting used to only eating one meal a day.

Getting Things Back Together

So, I need to get my life back on track. Get back to school work, and also get back to my old eating habits. I'm making up a plan for the rest of November until I go back home on December 10th for my winter break.

Eating: Mostly fruits and vegetables. I'm running out of money so either 1 egg for breakfast or some fruit. Lunch will be salads, for the rest of this week I'll probably make sandwiches until I can buy more food. Dinners will be low calorie options like beans and corn, or frozen veggies. Snacks will be things like 100 calorie popcorn or fruit or a little bit of cheese.

Exercise: Try going back to the gym twice a week. Wednesdays from 2-230 and Fridays from 11-1130. Also, work on doing ab-ripper twice a week.

School: Study extra every day. Go to every class. I need to stay on top of things before finals. Study mostly chemistry and anatomy.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 4

Last Weight: 124.6

Todays Weight: 120

Difference: -4.6

Last Goal: 122.8 by 8/28

Goal Met? Yes

New Goal: 118.5 by 9/11

     I finally fucking lost weight! I'm so excited. I know, I skipped the last weight in, but I was so depressed it was not even something that I wanted to think of. This past week I have cut down on junk food so much. I haven't had a binge in a week I think. Being at school is great because I can go out and buy whatever food I want. Plus, I can go to the gym again! Yay! I went today and it was amazing! It's nice to be back. 

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 2

Last Weight: 122.4

Todays Weight: 124.4

Difference: +2.0

Last Goal: 120.4 by 8/14

Goal Met? No

New Goal: 122.4 by 8/21

     I'm so pissed at myself. I haven't weighed this much in over 2 years. I am disgusted by this number. I keep blaming the gain on quitting smoking and being stressed out. But there is no one to blame but myself. I lost control. And I need to get that control back.

      So, what's the plan? Obviously what I'm doing isn't working, so new plan. I lowered my calorie allowance to 500 net calories a day. I have to jog 2 times a week for 30 minutes while I'm still working. When I go back to school, it has to be 3 times a week. I must walk 10,000 steps a day at least on work days. Food that I can have whenever will be fruits and vegetables. Food that is limited is beans, rice cakes, low fat dairy, avocado, quinoa. Food that is off limits except when I have no choice: bread, rice, junk food. yes this means putting my bagel thins in the freezer until I can control myself.

     I need to regain control of my diet, my weight, and my life. My goal is to be 117 lbs by the time school starts. Wish me luck!

8/12 Intake and Shoes!!

Breakfast:

Bagel Thin - 55

Spray Butter - 0

Lunch:

Peach Cup - 30

Cottage Cheese - 45

Cucumber - 8

Baby Carrots - 35

Prunes - 40

Dinner:

Olive Oil - 40

 Onions - 17

Bell Pepper - 9

Mushrooms - 8

Black Beans - 47

Corn - 66

Salsa - 25

Avocado - 96

Tortilla Chips - 140

Snacks:

Tortilla Chips - 140

Bean Dip - 30

Salsa - 13

Total: 844

Exercise: 291

Net: 553

     Okay, so yesterday wasn't the greatest day ever, but it wasn't the worst either. I almost didn't go for a run yesterday, but I did and it made me feel so much better! Also, yesterday I got my new shoes that I ordered from eBay and they're absolutely amazing. I'm feeling good about today. I'm hoping to make it better than yesterday!

To Do Before Weigh-In

     Since I'm really scared about me weigh-in in two days, I've devised a plan that has to work to get me to the weight I want to be. I have to follow it exactly as it is! 
     Today: I'm going to eat my lunch that i brought today, and no other snacks. When I get home, I am going to put my sheets into the wash and then going for a 30 minute jog. Then I'm going to take a shower and have dinner. If my mom is making dinner, I will just have a little of what she makes. If not, then I will make a mixture of beans and veggies with salsa on it. I will not eat any snacks after this, even if I have "left over" calories. After dinner, I will clean and put away my clean laundry. Then I will paint my nails. while watching netflix. Then I will organize things for school. Finally I will call my boyfriend and go to sleep.
     Tomorrow: I'm going to go through my normal work day. After work, I will do some more laundry and then 30 minutes of pilates. Then I'll shower. After I will have dinner. If my mom doesn't cook then I'll have a salad with a veggie burger cut up on it. After dinner I will clean and then organize things for school again. Then I will watch netflix and NOT eat any snacks. Then I'll talk to my boyfriend and go to bed.
     If I follow this plan, I should definitely be able to get to 120lbs by Wednesday. Then I will make a similar plan for the next week. If I make a precise plan, then I'm more likely to follow it.

8/7 Intake

Breakfast:

Bagel Thin - 55

Spray Butter - 0

Lunch:

Peaches - 30

Cottage Cheese - 45

Cucumber - 8

Baby Carrots - 35

Prunes - 40

Dinner:

Udon Noodles - 250

Snacks:

Pecan Honey Crunch - 75

Mushrooms - 8

Jalapeno Cheddar Dip - 60

Bell Pepper - 23

Baby Carrots - 21

Total: 650

Exercise: 76

Net: 574

     I'm really happy with how today went. I'm glad that I'm having breakfast again. It really works for me. Dinner was because I was super hungry and my mom wasn't home from the grocery store yet. It's just a simple stove top noodle pack, but it's good. I did say earlier that I wasn't going to have snacks at work, but people just expect me to eat it because I'm thin. So I had the Pecan honey thing, but it was just a little. After dinner I waited about 30 mins and then made a snack. Fresh veggies are amazing. You can eat so much for barely any calories. I cut up a bunch of veggies and dipped them in this dip we have. I'm going to see if we can get like "diet" dip to use. If I stay on this track, then I can lose weight really easily!

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 1

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In! From now on I'll just call it WWW.

Last Weight: 121.4

Todays Weight: 122.4

Difference: +1.0

Goal: 120.4 by 8/14

     ugh. I gained weight. It's because I've been binging like crazy. When I get upset, all I do is eat. I need to find something else to do besides eat. I was smoking before, but now that's I'm quitting I'm not sure what to do. Also, I'm going on 4+ day with no poop. It's gross, I know, but that has to add to some of the reason why I gained. Even with my binges my calories intake was still under 2000 a day and I've been exercising. Gaining weight just all around sucks.

     So what's my plan for this next week before weigh-in again? I'm going to be really strict with myself. No snacking after dinner even if I have calories left over. I'm going to try spreading my dinner out. Like eat one thing at a time and then wait to eat more. That way I can see if I'm really hungry or not. Exercise cannot be skipped. No excuses. I'm hoping to drop 2 lbs this week. I NEED to drop 2 lbs this week.

     I still need to stay positive though. If I'm not positive, then I'll get depressed and when I'm depressed I binge and when I binge, I gain weight. A lady at work gave me a gift card to Starbucks, and that's awesome because it's a 1 mile walk from my school. So there's an easy excuse to walk 2 miles! And black coffee with splenda has barely any calories. If I stay strict with myself, I can be 116lbs by the time I go back to school! I just need to stay motivated and stop being so damn depressed!

8/6 Intake

Lunch:

Green beans - 17

Cottage Cheese - 45

Peaches - 30

Black beans - 35

Corn - 33

Dinner:

Corn Chips - 70

Black beans - 47

Corn - 66

Onions - 17

Over Easy Egg - 70

Salsa - 25

Olive Oil - 20

Snacks:

Jelly Donut Thing - 150

Prunes - 40

Total: 665

Exercise: 267

Net: 398

     I'm really proud with today. I've been binging like crazy lately and it's nice to have a good day. I went for a run today, because my therapist told me that I really need to be working out instead of spending all day on my butt. Today I went food shopping with my mom and I always buy too much. I got cucumber, carrots, avocado, rice cakes, prunes, zero noodles. I go so overboard. All I wanted were these Asian noodle microwave meals and the store didn't even have them. I was able to get microwave Udon noodles that don't have meat product in it! That'll be a treat for one night. 

     Tomorrow is my weekly weight in day, and I'm scared. My stomach is HUGE. I haven't made a bowel movement in 3 days, going on to 4 days. I know that this is going to fuck up my weigh in. Ugh. Why does my body hate me? Oh yeah. Because I can't decide if I'm going to starve myself or stuff 10,000 calories down my throat. :/

How to Begin Running

     Exercise is super important. It's good for your body, helps you lose weight, and makes you feel better about yourself. A simple way to workout your whole body is by running. Most people think that running is too hard for them, but it can be easy in no time with the right preparation. Here's a list of things you can do to help yourself get into running!

• Plan where you're going to run. You can run on a treadmill or you can run outdoors. Determine which is the best choice for you.
• Get the right clothes. Sneakers are a must have. Try to get nice running sneakers. I got mine on sale! Also, wear a sports bra, a comfy shirt, and shorts or sweatpants. Make sure they won't fall off!
• Start small. You won't be able to run a marathon your first day. If you're really not in shape, try starting by walking for 20-30 minutes a couple days a week and then add in bits on jogging.
• Get an app. Apps are great for keeping track of your runs. I like the Nike one and Run keeper. I also like C25K, which helps your run a 5K in 8 weeks or something. I like the app because you tells you when to run and when to walk while you're do the exercise.
• Push yourself, but not too much. Try to run further or faster every time. However, don't push yourself too hard. You don't want to hurt yourself. Do what feels right. Listen to your body.
• Make sure your are medically cleared. If you have any medical condition make sure with your doctor that your body can handle running. I have asthma and always have to take my inhaler first!
• Stay hydrated. Bring a bottle of water on your runs and take sips every now and then so you can stay hydrated. Don't drink the whole bottle at once while running because you will feel sick.
• Always stretch. Stretch after every run. Even if it's short. Even if you're really tired. You will be in a lot more pain if you don't stretch.
• Have fun! Running, for the most part, should be enjoyable. If after a couple runs, you find no enjoyment, then maybe running isn't for you!

August is Mine

     A new month means new beginnings. This summer has been strange. I feel that all I do is work. Also, I've been feeling very disconnected these past couple months. My therapist blames PTSD. But, I think things are looking up this month. I've been feeling a lot more positive lately. [My therapist thinks I'm having a manic episode but screw that] I have big things planned for August. I'm excited!
New Exercise Routine: Go for a jog twice a week for 30 mins. Aim to run further every time. Finish the 30 day squat challenge. Do pilates twice a week for 30 mins. Walk as much as possible.
New Diet Plan: Starting at 600 net calories a day for one week and then going down 50 calories every week. If I eat any over, I must exercise it off. I will not deprive myself. I will measure out all food. I will only weigh in once a week on Wednesdays.
New Attitude: I will not care what people think about me. I will wear what I want and do what I want with my life.
     I really hope that this plan works out! Does anyone else have any monthly goals?

7/31 Intake

Lunch:

Mushrooms - 8

Cucumber - 8

Baby Carrots - 35

Apple Sauce - 50

Cottage Cheese - 45

Dinner:

Minestrone Soup - 120

Snacks:

Lays Potato Chips - 160

Buffalo Dip - 50

Ice Cream Cake - 165

Total: 640

Exercise: 277

Net: 364

     First off, I know my exercise usually says I burn like 600 calories a day, but that's because I had my pedometer app hooked up to MyFitnessPal and I didn't like that. It made me feel like I could eat so much more. I changed it so that it doesn't automatically put in calories burned. I had the cake today because it was my dad's birthday! I was also lucky because mum burnt dinner so I was able to make my own stuff. Light soup in the microwave. Very filling.

     I went for a run today! I did 2.4 miles. I haven't run this far since April. I'm really proud of myself. I burned over 200 calories from it too. It took me thirty minutes, but I still did it. I'm hoping to go for another jog on Friday. I'm still keeping up with the 30 day squat challenge and damn my legs are sore. But you know what they say, no pain no gain!

I Miss the Gym

     There's a gym at my school and I love it. It's small and only students can go there. I would go all the time. In the summer, I can't afford a gym membership. And I hate running outside. It's so hot and humid. There's big hills and cars and it's not a good time.
     My favorite was going to gym in the winter. You step outside after a long workout and feel the cold hit you. It was always so nice. I would go there and do 20-30 minutes on the treadmill and then 15-25 minutes on the bike. Then I got home from school in April. I started jogging outside, but that didn't last long. I'm so tired after work. Now that it's deep into summer, it's so hot and humid that I can only jog for 30 seconds at a time.
     I can't wait to go back to school and work out! Only one more month left!