Baby Steps I Guess?

     Yesterday wasn't all that bad. I mean I binged... but it happens. Sigh. I'm working on it. I totaled at about 1484 calories. It was 867 before my binge. That's a 617 calorie binge. Gross. I mean 1/3 of it was alcohol. Woops. I went out with Romeo last night and decided I wanted to drink the whiskey I had in my purse for the past 2 weeks. And then I had a glass of Chardonnay (and he had the rest of the bottle). I was a little tipsy and when I got home I went straight for the fridge. I just shoved my face full of bread and cheese.
     But there is a positive side!! I ate healthy the rest of the day. Egg whites for breakfast. Greek yogurt for snack. Flat bread tofurkey sandwich and fruit for lunch. Baby carrots for snack. A veggie burger and veggies for dinner. I love making my own food. I think it's part of my control issues. I also exercised yesterday. I did a short morning workout and then 2 sets of my leg workout. I am sore today!! But it feels really good.
     I'm also in a really good mood today. Starting my day with a meal and a workout really makes a difference. I also want to start adding in a little bit of yoga to my daily routine. Hanging out with Romeo also helped me feel better. He's been really nice with the whole "my face is fucked up looking" thing.
     I'm going back to see my GP today so they can monitor my Lyme and Bell's recovery. My dad wants me to get an MRI and see a neurologist, but I really don't want to. I'd like to stay as far away from the hospital as possible. If my GP wants me to see a specialist then I will, but I don't think there's really much they can do for me.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 8

Last Weight: 115.4

Todays Weight: 117.6

Difference:+2.2

Last Goal: 114.4

Goal Met? No

New Goal: 115.6 by 6/18

     I fucking gained and I'm pissed. I know it's probably just water weight or from drinking so much beer this weekend. I actually 100% blame all the alcohol I drank. I drank Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and this most recent Sunday. 7/8 days. Fuck. However, now it's Wednesday and I haven't had a drink since Sunday afternoon. I'm proud of myself. This week I'm not going to drink as much alcohol and I'm also going to barely eat because oh hey, TMJ. I can barely open my mouth to get food in and the pain is making me nauseous. Awesome... Well at least I know that I'll lose weight..

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 7

Last Weight: 116.6

Todays Weight: 115.4

Difference: -1.2

Last Goal: 115.6

Goal Met? Yes

New Goal: 114.4 by 6/11

     This week has been weird. Lots of not sleeping. Really poor eating. All weekend I kind of... forgot to eat. I didn't do it on purpose; it was just something I didn't think of. Friday night I went over this guys house, we'll call him Romeo. I felt nervous going over there so I didn't want to eat anything before. And then I didn't want to eat anything in front of him either. I did have 5 non-light beers though, so I classified that as dinner. It was enough calories to be! 

     Then Saturday  I was supposed to get up early and get my nails done and then drive to Providence to see my friends. But Romeo didn't let me leave his place until noon. I scrambled around at my house for clothes and then spent the next 4 hours in a car. We were going to a show in Provi and I forgot to eat all day. The first thing I ate that day was at 11PM after the show at our friend's house. I had a hamburger bun. And only because I almost pulled my signature move of blacking out in the front row of the show. #fail

     Sunday I had a donut and pizza because I was with my friends. The pizza I pulled everything off of and just ate the bread. I also had about 6 glasses of wine.

     Basically I've just been consuming all of my calories in alcohol. But that's nothing new here....

Partying with an ED

     On the rare occasion that I get invited to a party, and the even more rare occasion that I decide to go, I always have anxiety about it. Especially when it comes to calories. Parties are filled with calories. Pizza. Chips. Alcohol. It's a mess. I used to party a lot more when I was younger. And I've learned, the hard way, what to do and what not to do when it comes to partying when you have an ED.
     The number one rule: NEVER DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. I have done this so many times. And I've seen people recommending others to do this. It seems like a great idea, right? Save your calories for the day so you can get drunk with your friends. No. You will get drunk way too fast. You'll be the super sloppy drunk that no one likes. You will probably throw up, and you will run out of stuff to throw up and it will hurt. You have a higher chance of blacking out and that never ends well. But, most importantly, you will do major damage to your body. The alcohol will not be absorbed into any food. Your body will digest it faster and there will be very high concentrations in you liver. After awhile this can lead to permanent liver damage. So, before you drink, please please please eat something.
      Never feel pressured to drink. Not drinking alcohol is the best way to avoid liquid calories. Just drink diet soda all night or even make up a mock-tail. If people are pressuring you to drink, then those people suck. You don't need to drink to have fun.
     BYOB. Bring your own beer / beverage. When guys throw parties, they usually don't buy diet soda. It's full calorie beer and full calorie soda. I always bring my own drink. Then I know how much alcohol is it. I know how many calories are in it. I know that no one put drugs in it. I just feel so much better about the night. It also control how much I'll drink. This is a great option if you're not drinking too. Bring a soda and if someone offers you a beer, say you already have a drink. They usually assume it's alcoholic.
     Dance! This is the best way to avoid feeling the guilt of "I ate a meal and I'm drinking." I love dancing at parties. It's fun. You meet new people. And it burns calories! No more guilt about have a drink! The best part it that if you embarrass yourself, just play it off like you're really drunk.
     Have fun and be Safe. Parties are meant for people to have fun at, so enjoy yourself. But, remember to be safe. Use the buddy system. Keep track of how much you're drinking. Drink water in between drinks. Have safe way home (taxi, designated driver, walking). If you feel unsafe, don't be afraid to leave with your friends or ask someone to get you, even if it's your mom!