July 2014 Pictures

So yeah. This is what I look like. It's disgusting I know. I compared these pictures to the ones I took last July and I look a lot better than I did last summer. I'm still hoping to improve. I want to lose 3lbs this month, so that I can be underweight again. I also want to get more toned. I want to be able to see my abs more and have less chubby legs. I'm trying really hard to stick to my plan for this month and then hopefully I will upload progress pictures showing a change.

Stopping the Cycle

     So, these past couple weeks I've been on a huge binge cycle where I restrict all day until about 9PM and then eat to the point of almost vomiting, but I can't purge because my parents are always around. I feel huge. I feel so disgusting. I don't want to be seen like this. I was watching Supersize vs. Super Skinny last night [can be found here] and it just made me realize that if I keep eating this much, I'm going to get so huge. I know what I need to do, but I always think it'll be okay to have just a little bit of chips or just one cookie. But that never happens. I always lose control. I can't let myself do that anymore. And it used to be fine to do it, because I could just purge. Now with my parents and brother always around, I can't do that and I have to deal with all this high fat & high calorie food sitting in my stomach. So things I need to starts doing:

• Eat slower. I eat too fast and then don't feel full until I've already eaten a whole box of cookies..
• Keep track of how many pounds I want to lose. I'm going to write the number on my hand or wrist every day. It's less noticeable than a weight.Today's number is 25.
• Choose better foods. If I want chips, then have a rice cake. If I want cookies, then have some prunes. No one wants to binge on rice cakes! But I can still get the crunchiness. 
• Spend less time at my house. I need to make plans for the week so I'm not sitting at my house with nothing to do but go to food.
• Write more. I'm an emotional eater and I need to get my emotions out of me instead of stuffing food into myself.

     That's all I got for now. I'm so terrified of becoming fat. I need to get this under control. And I'm sorry that I make so many lists. It's an obsession!

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In - 1

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In! From now on I'll just call it WWW.

Last Weight: 121.4

Todays Weight: 122.4

Difference: +1.0

Goal: 120.4 by 8/14

     ugh. I gained weight. It's because I've been binging like crazy. When I get upset, all I do is eat. I need to find something else to do besides eat. I was smoking before, but now that's I'm quitting I'm not sure what to do. Also, I'm going on 4+ day with no poop. It's gross, I know, but that has to add to some of the reason why I gained. Even with my binges my calories intake was still under 2000 a day and I've been exercising. Gaining weight just all around sucks.

     So what's my plan for this next week before weigh-in again? I'm going to be really strict with myself. No snacking after dinner even if I have calories left over. I'm going to try spreading my dinner out. Like eat one thing at a time and then wait to eat more. That way I can see if I'm really hungry or not. Exercise cannot be skipped. No excuses. I'm hoping to drop 2 lbs this week. I NEED to drop 2 lbs this week.

     I still need to stay positive though. If I'm not positive, then I'll get depressed and when I'm depressed I binge and when I binge, I gain weight. A lady at work gave me a gift card to Starbucks, and that's awesome because it's a 1 mile walk from my school. So there's an easy excuse to walk 2 miles! And black coffee with splenda has barely any calories. If I stay strict with myself, I can be 116lbs by the time I go back to school! I just need to stay motivated and stop being so damn depressed!

How to Begin Running

     Exercise is super important. It's good for your body, helps you lose weight, and makes you feel better about yourself. A simple way to workout your whole body is by running. Most people think that running is too hard for them, but it can be easy in no time with the right preparation. Here's a list of things you can do to help yourself get into running!

• Plan where you're going to run. You can run on a treadmill or you can run outdoors. Determine which is the best choice for you.
• Get the right clothes. Sneakers are a must have. Try to get nice running sneakers. I got mine on sale! Also, wear a sports bra, a comfy shirt, and shorts or sweatpants. Make sure they won't fall off!
• Start small. You won't be able to run a marathon your first day. If you're really not in shape, try starting by walking for 20-30 minutes a couple days a week and then add in bits on jogging.
• Get an app. Apps are great for keeping track of your runs. I like the Nike one and Run keeper. I also like C25K, which helps your run a 5K in 8 weeks or something. I like the app because you tells you when to run and when to walk while you're do the exercise.
• Push yourself, but not too much. Try to run further or faster every time. However, don't push yourself too hard. You don't want to hurt yourself. Do what feels right. Listen to your body.
• Make sure your are medically cleared. If you have any medical condition make sure with your doctor that your body can handle running. I have asthma and always have to take my inhaler first!
• Stay hydrated. Bring a bottle of water on your runs and take sips every now and then so you can stay hydrated. Don't drink the whole bottle at once while running because you will feel sick.
• Always stretch. Stretch after every run. Even if it's short. Even if you're really tired. You will be in a lot more pain if you don't stretch.
• Have fun! Running, for the most part, should be enjoyable. If after a couple runs, you find no enjoyment, then maybe running isn't for you!

I Miss the Gym

     There's a gym at my school and I love it. It's small and only students can go there. I would go all the time. In the summer, I can't afford a gym membership. And I hate running outside. It's so hot and humid. There's big hills and cars and it's not a good time.
     My favorite was going to gym in the winter. You step outside after a long workout and feel the cold hit you. It was always so nice. I would go there and do 20-30 minutes on the treadmill and then 15-25 minutes on the bike. Then I got home from school in April. I started jogging outside, but that didn't last long. I'm so tired after work. Now that it's deep into summer, it's so hot and humid that I can only jog for 30 seconds at a time.
     I can't wait to go back to school and work out! Only one more month left!

Body Pics

These pictures disgust me, but they remind me that I need to push forward and take the weight off. Please don't make any rude comments.