Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts

Monday, August 5, 2013

Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help

     If you have symptoms of a mental illness and you want help, then you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it. It can be very difficult to find the courage to seek help. This is mainly because people view mental illness as something for "crazy" people. But it's not. There are many people who suffer from mental illness that aren't "crazy." You shouldn't be afraid to get help. If you had the flu, you would go see a doctor. If you had a broken arm, you would go see a doctor. It should be no difference for mental illness.
     I know that seeking help can seem difficult, but it will be worth it in the long run. It took me years to ask my mom if I could see a therapist, but I did. And it has helped me so much!
  • You need to tell someone. The first step to getting help is to tell someone that you want help. I chose to tell my mom. You could tell your parents, your significant other, your school counselor. But tell someone who will be there to help your journey.
  • Have a back-up. If you're afraid that your parents, or whomever, won't think that you need help, then plan a second person to tell. Go to your school's counselor and tell them. They could set you up with a school psychologist or set up a meeting with your parents to talk to them about what is best for you.
  • Visit your general practitioner. If you don't know where to start, visit your primary care doctor. They can explain what you're options are. My GP recommended a psychologist to me and helped me set everything up.
  • Find a doctor. Finding a therapist can be difficult. My first therapist was recommended by my doctor. My second was appointed to me through the school. My third and current therapist I found online. One thing you can do is call your insurance and ask for mental health providers who take your insurance.
  • Choose your plan. There are many types of therapy that you can go through. Psychotherapy. CBT. EDMR. Hypnosis. Read about what is offered and what will work most with your problems. Then create a plan with your doctor to decide what problems you're going to tackle and set goals of where you want to be in the future.
  • Don't give up if it doesn't work. Finding a good therapist can be hard. If you don't gel with your doctor, then the therapy won't work. You can try to make things work out, but if you really don't like your doctor, then don't be afraid to switch. There's no point in paying to see someone who can't help you. You can find something that works for you!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

3 Years to the Day

     So, I don't know if you remember, but about a week and a half ago my ex came over. If you don't remember, read this and this. Ever since that happened, I've been feeling like shit. I've been smoking a lot again. I've been eating all the time. Non-stop crying. Well, this weekend I was with my boyfriend and I was thinking about my life and trying to figure out what was bothering me. Then it just hit me.
     My ex had come over on July 24th. I looked in my calander on my phone and went all the way back to 2010. On July 24th. And hey, guess what? That was the day that stupid fucker raped me.
     I'm so pissed. I can't believe he would fucking do that. Come to my house after 3 fucking years. I've been trying to hard to just forget that it all happened and now I can't. I'm repressing my emotions again. I'm disasociating all the time. I want to kill him.
     I'm so incredibly frustrated and I just really don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about it because no one understands and I'm sick of crying to my boyfriend. I'm sorry I've been such a mess lately. I hope that I'll be okay soon. <3

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Something's Wrong

     I don't even want to talk about what I ate today. I had a nice healthy dinner planned. Mushrooms, onions, and an egg. Then I added some beans and corn. I ate it and I thought I would be done. But then I couldn't even control myself from eating one of everything in our junk cabinet. This happened at 6:30 pm. It's 11pm and I still feel like I'm going to vomit. I didn't want to purge, so I went out with my friend for a while. I hate myself and I have no control. 
     I think I'm repressing my feelings. I've had a huge problem with this my whole life. It's led to various eating problems and also my self harm problem. I hide my feelings so much that I don't even know what's bothering me. But something is. I've so disconnected and I can't control my eating and my bowels are fucked over but I can't do laxatives because I'm driving to my boyfriends tomorrow. 
     I can't put a finger to what's bothering me. And I'm thinking so hard, but I just don't know what. I hate my therapist. I decided that. I lied and told her I couldn't see her the last week in August. So now we only have 2 more appointments. I want to go back and see a counselor at school. They're much more helpful. They want me to get a full psych evaluation at a near by hospital. Ill probably do that some Friday after class. 
     I hate my brother. He's a loser. He's going no where in life. I'm such a perfectionist that its embarrassing to say that I'm related to him. He's a jerk. He's 17 and still thinks that he can be famous. Grow up and decide what you really want to do with your life. 
     I'm hoping that this weekend with my boyfriend will make me feel a little better. Even writing this out I feel better, so thanks for listening. The only time I feel happy is when I'm with him and right after I go jogging. Gunna try to go for a jog in the morning before the long drive. Ill answer any comments from today in the morning. Hope all is well. Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay safe. <3